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25 Random Things About Me

December 4, 2009

I got tagged by @DadUnmasked, the author of “dad unmasked“, to complete a 25 questions meme. I’ll make an attempt to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (yeah, right). Here goes.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. Sharon Gless (better known as Christine Gagney, bitches!)

2. Where was your first kiss? On my forehead, probably: I was a newborn; like I am supposed to remember that!

 3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? I ate some bad shrimp once and my boss’s toilet never worked right afterwards.

 4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? I hit on the bus boy at Applebee’s today. . . oh, wait . . . it says hit someone, not hit on them.  Never mind.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? I sang The Pina Colada Song to my dog once.  My dog had fleas at the time.  Does that count?

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? I keep my eyes closed and the lights turned off during sex, so I don’t notice a thing.

7. What really turns you off? Noticing things during preferred sex.

 8. What do you order at Starbucks? I keep asking for a fried SPAM and plantain sandwich but they keep telling me they don’t have it.  Whatever.

9. What is your biggest mistake? That affair I had with Eric Clapton.  I wrote a song about it.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? I am crying right now as I type this.

 11. Say something totally random about yourself. “Something totally random about yourself.”  There, I said it.

 12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Yes.  People tell me all the time that I have a strong resemblance to Topol.

 13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? Yes, I watch Glenn Beck nightly.

 14. Did you have braces? I had them but I never actually wore them.  I just used them as a dreamcatcher.

 15. Are you comfortable with your height? Seriously, that is really too personal.  That’s almost as probing as asking me about my preferred sex.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? My husband once made me a romantic dinner of Chef Boyardee and cold hot dogs while we sipped Boone’s Farm Country Kwencher wine and listened to a recording of rutting wild boars.  It was beautiful.

17. When do you know it’s love? When the restraining order expires.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Other than what?  How do you know I speak any languages at all?  How presumptuous!

19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? I own a chain of “Bake-n-Shake” tanning+belly dancing salons, but I have never been in one because I am allergic to harem pants.

 20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Again with you and the sex.

 21. What’s something that really annoys you? Fluffy kittens, attention whores that they are.

 22. What’s something you really like? SPAM and Glenn Beck.

 23. Can you dance? No more questions about sex, I beg of you.

 24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? I was technically rushed in an ambulance to the emergency room but on the way there I noticed that we had just passed a Starbucks and I was really craving a SPAM sandwich so I rang the bell at the next stop and got off.

25. Tag 5 people. I already told you: NO MORE SEX QUESTIONS!

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