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My Momma Said

November 3, 2009

Little did I know at the ages of 9, 12, or even 18 how wise my mother actually is.  It took until about the age of 20 for me to start realize that my mother did know what she was talking about most of the time.  Here are a few things my mother told me  that I have come to recognize as pearls of wisdom:

  • When it is really hot outside, a dress or a skirt keeps you much cooler than shorts because the breeze can get all up in there.  Not wearing panties keeps you even cooler.
  • If you don’t know the meaning of a word, don’t ask me to define it: look it up in the dictionary.
  • Spinach and mushrooms really are delicious.
  • Mittens are warmer than gloves because your fingers keep each other warm when in contact with one another.
  • Scrapes heal faster when exposed to the air as opposed to being covered by a bandage.  Also:  don’t pick off your scabs as it will leave a scar.
  • A woman’s chest is called “breasts,” not “boobs.”
  • Paying with cash is always better than credit.
  • Everything tastes better when you add cheese.
  • When it comes to cooking, have a handful of recipes you really like and make them really well.
  • If you pluck your eyebrows for a long time, eventually the hair will stop growing (ed. note: still waiting for that to happen).
  • If your bottom itches, it probably means you need to wash yourself.
  • No one is perfect, including me, and you have to take the good with the bad.
  • It is better to learn about religion and reject it than to have no religious education to rebuke.
  • Crossword puzzles help keep your brain sharp.
  • Physical beauty is fleeting: what counts is your brain and how how you treat others.
  • Sitting around the house all summer leads to no good.
  • Read, read, read.
  • If you are having trouble falling asleep, start at the top of your head and work your way down, concentrating on completely relaxing the muscles of each part of your body as you go.
  • Brush and floss daily.  Few things have a higher rate of return than good dental hygiene.
  • If you have an upset tummy, curl up with your knees against your chest:  you probably just have gas.
  • Having a cold isn’t really being “sick.”  You aren’t truly sick unless you have a fever.
  • Most women don’t look better with a ton of makeup on their faces:  let your natural beauty radiate.
  • Friends can become your family.
  • You really shouldn’t be afraid of spiders.
  • Slurping your soup, smacking your lips, and chewing with your mouth open show bad manners.
  • If you set your clock 15 minutes fast, you will always be 15 minutes early (ed. note: dubious claim as you know your clock is fast and end up compensating, but I have been doing it this way for years regardless).
  • Teenage girls shouldn’t dress like skanks.
  • A fart is not a fart: it is called “passing gas.”
  • If you have to slam on your brakes in the car, it is a good idea to throw your arm across the passenger because that will really stop them from flying through the windshield.
  • Women don’t need a man in their life to be complete.
  • And most importantly: the toilet paper should be placed so that the sheets come over the top )not the bottom) of the roll.

Thanks, mom!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 3, 2009 6:35 pm

    Hi, I’m just browsing around for people who do puzzles and I notice the little pearl of wisdom your mom told you “Crossword puzzles help keep your brain sharp.” She knew what she was talking about!

    I’ve got my own puzzle I use (and currently put online) for my own brain-sharpening moments. If you wanna venture outside of crosswords, this one was really created to force people to think: Shady Puzzles.

    Oh, and you might not believe this, but good writing by the way!

    • mjjaaska permalink*
      November 7, 2009 5:16 pm

      Kevin, I just tried one of your puzzles (http://shadypuzzle.com/puzzle-archives/puzzle-4/) and it was awesome! I love that you created your own puzzle! I started out with an easy one but am going for a medium version next. Thanks so much for your comment and for introducing me to your fun game!

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