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When Will I Feel Like a Grownup?

September 22, 2009

This morning as I was getting something out of our utility closet it struck me as odd all the tools, cleaning supplies, duct tape, and other “necessities” of life I had accumulated.  When did that happen?  I had the same feeling as I removed something from our well-stocked refrigerator:  since when did my diet consist of asparagus and pork roast instead of cheese sandwiches and ramen noodles?

I get it:  I’m 40 years old and I should know by now that I am an adult.  But every once in awhile I am overwhelmed with this feeling that I am a child playing house.  This is not really my car.  This is not really my king-size bed.  This is not really my credit card bill (if only that one were true).  How did this electric drill get in my house?  Who decided I needed a slow cooker?  And what the hell is this Extra Hydrating Extra Firming Anti-Aging Cellulite Reducing goop for?

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel completely grownup.  I still feel like a little kid about to get scolded by the principal if I get called into the boss’s office.  Maybe it is a subconscious desire to be free from all this responsibility.  Perhaps it is a wish to go back to simpler times of my life.  Maybe I just really need more stuff.  I acknowledge that I get a sense of security from the feeling that I have all of the tools to live my life without having to ring Uncle Bob to borrow a hammer.  Having all this junk is less a sign of being an adult than it is of someone with a strong desire to steam clean the stains out of the carpet and who has lived enough years to acquire all the crap.  I don’t mind feeling from time to time that all I really need is a stereo and some bubble gum flavored lip gloss and I am just pretending for awhile to be the woman of the house.  But then the room goes dark and someone needs to go searching for that replacement halogen light bulb.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 24, 2009 12:40 am

    My neighbor (72) and I were talking about how some people are such old grumpy people (as she was sharing that same sense of not feeling old) and she had something fairly prophetic to say:

    “Some people are just born old.”

    I like that it’s implied that some of us are born young and just never grow up :)

    • mjjaaska permalink*
      September 24, 2009 2:20 am

      I can’t wait until I get old(er) so I have license to be as grumpy as I want to be! Nonetheless, I will still be wondering why I have a flipping Cuisinart. Thanks, Elliott!

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